We live in a society where how you are perceived often leads to how your life will basically fall into place. How others see you and how you present yourself lets them make judgements based on just what they see in front of them, and this can be good or bad. Everyone always says that you shouldn’t let what others think of you get to you, but it’s hard to when you’re in a society where how you look and how you present yourself matters a whole lot. How do you get to the point where you just don’t care what others think of you when how you look is a major factor in your success?

People will often only look at your appearance and judge you on that, but how do you learn to get past that judgement and just be yourself? People see your clothes, your company, posture, accent, car, and all these superficial things and add them together and basically storm up their own version of you with all these little insignificant things compared to what really makes you, you. I’m a very self conscious person, which is strange because I am the loud, crazy person in the room who will break the silence; yet I can be the most self conscious person to the point you don’t think it’s really me because you don’t expect this apprehensive and almost cowardly person to come out of someone so open and loud. My mom however, is probably the one person I know that has this self-regard about herself and just doesn’t care how others think of her. Actually, a lot of the women in my family do. It’s like they are at this stage where being self conscious is something that just doesn’t happen.

I’ll often find myself becoming very agitated and nervous, usually in public places, at first I’m fine but then I become very anxious. I’ll start to think to myself what strangers are thinking of me. And I don’t get why because I know that their opinions don’t matter and I’ll start to think to myself, “Why am I acting like this? I don’t know these people, why do I give a shit?” I don’t know these people who are passing me by, yet I find myself anxious and worrying about how they think of me. Maybe it’s my anxiety problems but I need to get to this place in my life where my being so self conscious doesn’t stop me from acting like myself and being happy.

I feel like, we’ve all grown up with this notion that we have to act a certain way otherwise we won’t be accepted by society, that we’ll be “different.” I think I’ve let that get to me a bit too far to the point that I even care how strangers perceive me. I guess I feel the need to be accepted by everyone so much sometimes that it drives to me actually act differently so that I do think I’m accepted. I just need to learn to accept myself first. I’m beginning to realize this is a problem, hopefully I can work to get myself back to a healthy frame of mind.

Beeteedubs, I’m going away for a few days to take my brother to college. College guys here I come! I’ll take pics for you guys!

Did I mention last year when I went and was in Target buying my brother a shower caddy, this super fucking hot blonde guy who I assume was going to my brothers college because it’s the only one around, thought I was going to his school too and started flirting with me yet I was only 15 at the time?! I can pass off for 18! That was a great day indeed.

School’s starting soon. Just want to let you guys know I’m not abandoning the site just because school’s starting. In fact, if you follow my Twitter, I’ve been adding tutorials and new content! WOO! I haven’t added content in so long.  I’ve been replying to so many emails and doing a lot of requests! I’ve added some new PhotoFiltre tutorials, done a lot of behind the scenes work you guys probably don’t even notice and made some (in my opinion) pretty sick Twitter backgrounds! Check them out under the Graphics section in my Resources!

And I’m going upstate this week because my brother is going back to college so I’m helping out and going up there again. And since it’s a complete college town and mainly guys go there, I’m gonna have a great view! So yeah, this was just a little update blog. Was it enjoyable?! Oh and the title is just the album name of Never Shout Never’s new album Harmony which is amazing and you should go buy it!

Comment and tell me what you think of the Twitter backgrounds and what else I should make!

I recently just got my school schedule in the mail and it’s finally hitting me that school is just around the corner and it’s crunch time. I have so much to do in just two weeks and I don’t know how I’m gonna finish everything! I’m currently in the process of moving rooms, my brother is getting my old room and I’m getting my original room back after it’s been being used up as storage. (Yeah, don’t ask) But I’m finally getting my closet space back! So while I move all my shiz, I’ve got to do my AP summer assignments which by the way are a hell of a lot work. This years assignments are insane so it’s going to take a lot of time. I have to get ready for school and I have to help my brother get ready for college, again. He can’t do anything for himself so of course my mom goes to me to get him ready for college! Like seriously? You’re in college, get your own stuff done, don’t rely on your little sister. And after I’m done helping him I have to go upstate to his college and get him all set up there too. It’s a seven hour drive and I’m being forced to go, it’s so stupid. And I have so much more to do that I’m not listing here. I just want you guys to know that with school and all this stuff going on in my life coming up, I don’t know how much time I’ll have for the site.

You all know how much I disappeared with the last school year so I don’t know how this year will go. It is junior year so I’ll have to be focusing a lot more and stop with all my monkey business and procrastination. I’ve got all my AP review books and SAT prep books so instead of replying to emails, doing requests, helping you out, and updating the site, I’ll be in the books. I’m not complaining, I’m rather excited actually, it’s just so much work. I can’t wait to get back in my Chem room and get crackin’ on another year of chemistry! I just want you all to know I won’t be on too much so don’t expect much or you’ll be disappointed! I might just do short picture blogs so it looks like I haven’t died. ;)

Today I woke up. Got a burst of energy and jumped out of bed, ready for a new day. Went for a run. When I came home, my parents had cooked a special breakfast for me! Heart shaped pancakes, with sliced strawberries, waffles, eggs, bacon, orange juice, and a whole lotta love. My day couldn’t get any better. Just then. I got a phone call! It was the college of my dreams! Cornell/Northeastern/Boston University/Penn State/Yale (as you can see, I’m undecided ) called me telling me I got accepted! WOOOOO. Then, I went shopping. I went with my friends. We bought stuff. Really cool stuff actually. Let me list them here because they’re the coolest things ever. Zomg, I’m so excited! I’m going to see Fortnight with my friends Claire, Emma, Paige, Jane, Manny, and Holly J tomorrow night! AHHHH! We’re gonna scream all during the movie because Declan is so0o0o0o dreamy. After shopping I got hungry so I went to Chipotle. After searching for a ten in my wallet and successfully finding one, I pulled it out and handed it to the cashier. His hand touched mine. Both of us froze. We both looked up at each other and our eyes met and we both smiled at each other. I fell into a pool of his baby blue eyes. We held up the line because we were caught  in that hot steamy eye contact, I watched as his mouth began to open and he said………………. “Here’s your change.” I left and enjoyed a great meal. Man, was that guacamole delicious.

What a Wonderful, Delightful, Excellent, Very Good Day.

Anyone get it?! 2 things I did! Super lulz. They’re making it a movieee! If you don’t get it too bad. The explanation is the first comment.

(None of that actually happened except for getting Chipotle, but I didn’t fall into a pool of the cashier’s baby blue eyes. )

The few people in my personal life that even know I have a website/blog don’t understand why I do it. They don’t see the point in sharing my thoughts with whomever is willing to read it and making “stupid” pictures  & resources all day long on my computer. (Yo man, those I made those stupid pictures for your project so stfu.)The average conversation with someone who knows of my secret hobby usually goes..

Them: “Uhh.. what are you doing? ”

Me: “Just working on my website.”

Them: “Oh.. Wait,  I don’t get it.”

Me: “I’m writing a blog.”

Them: “Why…”

Me: “Because I like it?”

Them: “Why don’t you just write in a diary?.. anyone can read that.. but no one really cares….. ”

Me: “I CARE.”

They never understand why I even bother going ahead to put all my effort into a website just so I can write a blog that people I don’t even personally know read. Uh, did you forget what people who write for magazines and newspaper do? It’s basically the same thing. Just no one is paying me. Even when I point out that there are writers out there who do the same exact thing except their stuff gets published……..(I’ved been published before….. ) but back to the point, whoever I’m arguing with about my website always goes, “but they’re being paid to.” SO? There are writers out there who write for the love of writing! I blog because I love it and want to.

They just don’t see the point in writing about stuff on the internet and leaving it there for the world to see and criticize. They can’t fathom why on Earth anyone would blog. And I’m like “I can’t fathom why people excessively pour bronzer on themselves and tan to the point that their skin looks like leather but they do! But I’m not bitching about it!” (I’m so nice. ) But still, people do things that you may not understand but you have to understand that people are allowed to do as they please, even if it’s not what you personally believe in. It’s their life, let them eat cake! There are always, the exceptions but in general just let people do what makes them happy! If I want to go online and write a blog that anyone could read, then I’m going to! It’s not stupid and time wasting, it’s me being able to put my thoughts somewhere that can be read by other people. It’s being able to vent about stupid bitches who hate my driving without having to write in a small diary and get hand cramps.

If I wanted to write pages and pages about how the boy I liked had eye contact with me today and how his gorgeous hair caught shimmer in the sunlight and how my friends and I giggled about it afterwards, I would! But I’m not doing that here. Here, I’m writing on things that I want to share my opinions on and want to hear other people’s opinions on too. One positive aspect since this website is public to anyone is that I can get different opinions on things. If I talked to my friends and family about these things they’d just tell me what I want to hear and the fact that everyone thinks the same thing around here. Blogging isn’t stupid. It’s something I like to do for fun, and if you don’t understand that then let me be and think what you want. Quit arguing with me that I should stop. I don’t tell you to stop Facebook stalking everyone.

Do your friends & family understand why you blog?