So who wants to help me figure out how to edit my page navigation plugin?!

I don’t know about you but I absolutely loathe my website, as much as my driving instructor in Driver Ed class. Ugh, how I loathe him. You know who’s website I absolutely adore? TIFF from Aesthetic Intoxication. Her website blows me away. It makes mine look like crap. Okay, these smilies need to go! Lol And this layout color isn’t helping either. Haha. Uhh, I’m not really sure if my browser is like set right so I don’t know if my header is actually supposed to be that size or if I zoomed in… if I did then I’m a complete idiot. Yeah.. I think I did zoom in… woops!

But anyways, I really wanna make a new layout and like change the look of Hopeless Thunder a lot. But I don’t know if I can. I really need to stop using left sided layouts and make it just in the freaking center but I honestly don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to the site. I just wing it! So it’s gonna take me a while. Haha. But I basically have a pretty free summer except for driver ed and babysitting, and the occasional work but I think if I really try I can make an actual layout! It’ll take me awhile though. I’m sure you all know that seeing as I like to disappear for weeks/months after I post anything. Yeah, I suck. haha But I’m working on it!

So something on my mind that I wanted to blog about (wait.. it’s 2:22 am EST and I have to be up at 6:00 am for driver ed.. not my best decision) but yeah, so with my SPECTACULAR lol NAHT.. training in psychology from my AP class, I think I was depressed for a while, at least a month. My past post where I talked about changes and what not, yeah thinking about that time in my life, reflecting on it I have no idea what the hell was going on! Just school and whatever else (ugh boys.. OH HAY TIFF, whatever code name I used for my ex, yeah we’re done LOL) and ugh life was just so stressful and I was just depressed.

I feel like I was manic depressive because I’d switch on and off about my mood and how I felt but I never felt manic and had a kind of feeling like wanting to take over the world ha. But I don’t know, I just want to get it out there. I don’t have a set time of when I felt like this but I know it went on for a few weeks and I just wanted to like well die, I know it sounds crazy but that’s how I felt. Maybe it was just the stress and pressure getting to me? Feelings just out of control and led to destructive thoughts. Not very good. But thinking about it seems like it was so far away and it’s weird that I even felt that way. I’ll get the occasional feeling like disappearing just so whoever I’m frustrated with will value me more, you know what I mean? Kinda like “you need me, stfu and be nice and stop being an asshole.”

I don’t think my thoughts and mind were very stable, well they weren’t but I feel like I’m in a better clearer place now. Maybe it was just the stress getting to me? I’ve made my mistake of taking AP’s that are fucking stupid (aka AP Human Geography, which is fairly new and advice to anyone out there: DO NOT TAKE IT) and AP Psychology which was interesting but not what I want to pursue so taking it was a complete bust, I fell into the pressure of staying in the class because of my friends even though I should have dropped with some of my other friends who didn’t like it.

But junior year is gonna be different. I’m planning ahead and doing things to make sure my mental breakdown doesn’t happen again. I’m doing things early like this summer driver ed class instead of during the school year which takes so much longer. I’m only taking classes I like, like AP Chemistry, AP English Language, human anatomy, and astronomy. Classes that will help me for college and ones I like, not ones to pad up my resume that I’ll have to suffer through. This whole planning ahead thing is really working out haha. I don’t know, I was just in a dark place a few months ago but I’m completely out of it and life seems so much better. I guess all the sun and summer is helping.

Okay, venting time is over. I’m gonna sleep, go to driver ed and suffer through my driving  instructor who I sincerely believe hates me because I’m the only one who he forces to drive in parking lots, take a nap since I’m getting up in 3 hours, a little shopping my fav, and then home to think of ideas to change my crappy ass website! Wish me luck! I’m gonna need it! Bye!

P.S. that was a really freaking long blog. :O

Why the hell did I make a left centered layout? It looks stupid looking at it months later! lol Or maybe I’m not zoomed in enough because I don’t remember it looking that small.. hmm.. By the way, I want new smilies but I don’t know where to get good sized and cute smilies so help me out! School finished officially last Thursday on the 10th so IM FREEEEEEEEEEEEE! Well after I take my last final and 3 regents’. OH MAH GAWD. Like the torture just never ends! I have an English final, and a chem, math, and global regents. KILL ME. My chem teacher who I love keeps taunting us that the chem and math regents’ are the hardest to pass but I’ll blow them away. I’m taking AP Chem next year, is it weird I’m excited?! LOL I had the AP teacher this year and now I get her again, and I love her!

Oh and even though it doesn’t seem like it because I disappeared for months, I’VE MISSED THE SITE AND EVERYONE ON HERE! I really did! And to my affiliates, I suck. I know how you’re supposed to keep in touch and all and I know I did a terrible job at it but please please forgive meeeee! Haha, hopefully I’ll be on more during the summer! Yeah, who am I kidding that’s not gonna happen. But I do have a job this summer and drivers ed at my school soooo we’ll see what happens. GEEZ, I need a new layout! WAIT, I just zoomed in and it looks so much better! ahaha Maybe I’ll make a new one if I remember how to use Photoshop and PSP.

Yeah, there was no point to this post. hahaha. Lets catch up everyone! BTW I REPLIED TO 90% OF MY EMAILS YESTERDAY! BE PROUD!

My last time passing Chipotle on the way home from school! Gosh, I love that place!<33

My computer’s just sitting there on my floor of my room collecting dust. A rather great life for a computer isn’t it?  Whatever, I can’t do anything about my parent’s not caring about my research paper files in my computer that’s due in a week or that the music which makes my life is in there either. I’ve gotta accept it. Being away from the computer and having to deal with the site has gotten me to think. I want to change my life. No. I have to change it. My life and the way I’m living it is not how I want to or what’s best for me. As for any kid in high school, it’s really tough and stressful, and by making changes to it I can make things so much better for myself and the people around me.  Now I’m not saying I’m depressed or anything, I’ve just gotta make changes in my life to make me happier and make my life a healthy one. Ya see, that sounds so vague and general like you’re probably thinking “this idiot, wtf is she talking about, everyone wants changes in  their lives, she’s so redundant and making no sense.” But I know what I want to change and I’ve already started.

Like anyone in high school, it carries with it drama. Which is probably one of the biggest things causing stress. Now I want to de-stress my life and make it a healthy life that is just good for me. I’ve been in a rut lately, one caused by drama. The first thing I had to do was lose all connection to that drama. After I lost that drama I just felt so free and better. It’s one less thing to worry about and it makes all the difference in the world. But I also want to make more changes than just cutting out the drama in my life.

These are the life stressors I’ve been able to pin point:

• Lack of sleep which leads to an irritable Nancy
• Stupid drama that makes me want to punch someone
• Procrastination
• Avoiding conflicts
• Inability to save my money
• Obsession over the stupidest things
• Eating healthier and exercise
• See the brighter side in things
• Stop being so mood swingy

Now there’s so many more stressors but these are a few that I want to deal with first. I’ve been able to deal with the drama so far, by telling people how I feel about them, blocking people from Facebook (which seems completely childish but it really helps because I don’t need to see people who cause drama in my life or get 100 notifications from someone I don’t like), and ending the relationship altogether. Taking the drama out of my life has really had an impact on my attitude and I’m a lot happier now. I feel light and free and for some reason it brings me back to this happy feeling of summer ’08 which was an amazing year and it’s like when I listen to Six Feet Under the Stars by All Time Low I get this happy feeling and I’m not sure why. I’ve actually making a lot of progress and making a lot of changes to my life. One thing which seems silly is I’ve taken down my curtains and just left up white blinds on my windows which makes my room super bright and open windows which makes my room airy and nice and makes me happier. I just love the outdoors freshy feel and it’s really had an impact. I really want to get a good rhythm going because when I go to college and I’m away from my safe haven, I won’t have anything to fall back on so I need to be able to stand on my own two feet. I can’t  do that if I’m a complete wreck and can’t deal with my problems or anything upsetting me. I can only be able to stand on my own if I’m happy with myself and my life.

I’m really gonna try hard to make changes to my life. I need to get rid of all the stress and deal with all my problems. I don’t need all this stress at 16, I’m just trying to be a kid still, but a kid who can be able to breathe for once and be able to live life without the weight of stupid things keeping me down. Wish me luck!

Yeah, I died. But I’m secretly a vampire so I’m the living dead. :pirate: I like pirates. lol Actually wait, are vampires the living dead? Or is that zombies? lol OMG Zombieland was an amazing movie just saying. And Jessie Eisenberg is adorableeeee.

And I haven’t been on the site much and I apologize for that. Life’s been hectic with exams and my AP courses I don’t have much extra time for the site. And I’m a terrible affiliate too! I haven’t talked to you guys in so long and I’m so sorry! Please don’t take me off I’ll try my best to get back on. And seriously, I hate this layout, like it’s disgusting and I despise the coding. I seriously need new coding and my WordPress is all fucked up. Anyone wanna help me? lol

So just wanted to let everyone know I’m still alive, just been sidetracked for a while, and will hopefully come back soon and fix my piece of crap of a site. :yes:

UGHHH THE LAST 4 MONTHS HAVE BEEN SUCH HELLLL!

Well, not really but they’ve been so grueling and piled with so much work it’s ridiculous. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had a social life. haha. I miss last year when I could go hang out with my friends without worrying about a test and not having enough time to study for it. For the past 4 months, I’ve had at least one test a day every single day. And all the AP’s I’m taking are killing me. Not to mention I have the AP teachers in my normal honors classes so they teach us more than we need to know and half of what they teach us isn’t even on the Regents in May so we’re learning extra stuff other Honors kids aren’t learning. :x Ugh, life is just great. lol

But the past few months haven’t been too bad. At the same time it feels like it took so long to get here but it was really fast too. I know I always feel like that after Christmas Break, the year goes by so fast I feel like I’m already an adult and going off to college. Seriously, the last 15 minutes of my day were absolutely grueling because I spent the last 3 periods of my day in Chemistry, even though I love Chemistry, I just wanted to go home and die.

But now school’s over, well at least for the next 11 days and even though it’s filled with more course work and studying for midterms I’m gonna be able to relax and do whatever I want for once! IM EXCITED! TOOK LONG ENOUGH DAMMIT! But today was an amazing day so it evens out with the waiting. :love: Also, I made these amazing snowman cookies that I forgot to take a picture of but they were absolutely delicious and everyone loved them.

Also, I wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday! I hope you all spend them with your loved ones and instead of being all about the gifts, you see the real reason behind Christmas and that’s to be with your loved ones and appreciating all you have in life.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! AND A GREAT NEW YEAR!

What are you’re New Year’s Resolutions? Mine are just to get past January without failing any midterms. :roll:  Wish me luck!

Btw, WHO WAS IN THE EAST COAST BLIZZARD?? I WAS!!! I was waist deep in snow! WOO!